Drop your résumé. Get a brutally honest, very funny roast — your real career trajectory and one dark truth included. Under 30 seconds. 🌑
“A document that confidently says nothing, in Calibri.”
The two-year gap is the most honest line on the page. The ATS bot, tragically, has no soul.
A live feed of the funniest anonymized roasts. Yours could be next.
“Results-driven professional” — driven by results the way a parked car is driven.
Listed “Microsoft Word” as a skill. In 2026. Bold. Historic, even.
“Passionate about synergy.” Sir, this is a résumé, not a hostage note.
9 years of experience, 0 numbers. A career told entirely in vibes.
“Team player” appears four times. We get it — you can’t work alone.
Objective: “seeking a challenging role.” Congratulations, reading this was one.
“Spearheaded initiatives” is the résumé equivalent of “I was in the room.”
Two pages. One and a half of them are “References available upon request.”
“Familiar with Python” is carrying an entire career on a single adverb.
“Wore many hats” — none of them, apparently, a job title.
“Results-driven professional” — driven by results the way a parked car is driven.
Listed “Microsoft Word” as a skill. In 2026. Bold. Historic, even.
“Passionate about synergy.” Sir, this is a résumé, not a hostage note.
9 years of experience, 0 numbers. A career told entirely in vibes.
“Team player” appears four times. We get it — you can’t work alone.
Objective: “seeking a challenging role.” Congratulations, reading this was one.
“Spearheaded initiatives” is the résumé equivalent of “I was in the room.”
Two pages. One and a half of them are “References available upon request.”
“Familiar with Python” is carrying an entire career on a single adverb.
“Wore many hats” — none of them, apparently, a job title.
“Wore many hats” — none of them, apparently, a job title.
“Familiar with Python” is carrying an entire career on a single adverb.
Two pages. One and a half of them are “References available upon request.”
“Spearheaded initiatives” is the résumé equivalent of “I was in the room.”
Objective: “seeking a challenging role.” Congratulations, reading this was one.
“Team player” appears four times. We get it — you can’t work alone.
9 years of experience, 0 numbers. A career told entirely in vibes.
“Passionate about synergy.” Sir, this is a résumé, not a hostage note.
Listed “Microsoft Word” as a skill. In 2026. Bold. Historic, even.
“Results-driven professional” — driven by results the way a parked car is driven.
“Wore many hats” — none of them, apparently, a job title.
“Familiar with Python” is carrying an entire career on a single adverb.
Two pages. One and a half of them are “References available upon request.”
“Spearheaded initiatives” is the résumé equivalent of “I was in the room.”
Objective: “seeking a challenging role.” Congratulations, reading this was one.
“Team player” appears four times. We get it — you can’t work alone.
9 years of experience, 0 numbers. A career told entirely in vibes.
“Passionate about synergy.” Sir, this is a résumé, not a hostage note.
Listed “Microsoft Word” as a skill. In 2026. Bold. Historic, even.
“Results-driven professional” — driven by results the way a parked car is driven.
Every weak bullet gets called out — then rewritten with a number that survives a follow-up question.
Responsible for handling various tasks and supporting the team as needed.
Cut onboarding time 40% by rebuilding the team’s ticket-triage flow.
Passionate self-starter with excellent communication skills.
Ran weekly demos for 30+ stakeholders; shipped 12 features in two quarters.
Every résumé gets a buzzword-density score from 0–100 and a letter grade. Most people score higher than they'd like.
Same résumé. Different nightmare. The evidence doesn’t change — who’s in the room does. Collect all of them.
“I’ve read this exact bullet 4,000 times. It didn’t get a job the other 3,999 either.”
“THIS BULLET IS RAW. You “managed stakeholders”? YOU CC’d PEOPLE. GET OUT.”
“No metrics, no moat, no traction. I’ve seen pre-seed decks with more substance than your summary.”
“Sharma-ji’s son put numbers on his résumé. But no — you have “a passion for excellence.””
“Agree? 👇 Most people won’t admit this. Your résumé is a broetry thread held together by a staple.”
“You “optimised the funnel.” The funnel remains. So, in the end — do you?”
Your roast comes as a shareable dossier — verdict, score and one dark truth. Post it before your group chat finds it.
Impersonating a high performer using only adjectives.
It bites. Pick Unhinged 💀 and find out — the whole point is that it’s funny because it’s true.
No. Roasted and forgotten — your text is processed to write the roast, then dropped. We never save it.
Your first roast is free. Deeper roasts and the Glow-Up rewrite cost less than a samosa.
Yes. The Glow-Up mode rewrites your weakest bullets with real numbers and a narrative that survives a follow-up question.
That’s the idea. Every roast comes as a screenshot-ready card with your Roast Score and grade.
Find out exactly how. First roast is free. Under 30 seconds.